What did you learn about money growing up?

As a child, I picked up some very confusing ideas about money.

Every time my dad wanted to show me he cared, he did it through money. I remember being deeply upset when he brought his new girlfriend on holiday with us without telling me.

I was so upset that I refused to go away with him again. So he bought me a Game Boy to convince me to go. I was nine years old.

Instead of saying “I’m sorry”, he showed it through gifts. Through money. That was his language of love.

Money over words.

Money over presence.

This isn't an uncommon way of relating. Perhaps you were bought gifts for doing well at school or for helping around the house. It seems harmless.

But what I didn't realise until later was that it seeded a very confused story for me:

That money equals love. 

So when I didn’t have money, I made it mean I wasn’t lovable.

Both times I had a baby, I felt terrified that my earnings might go down. I fought it with all my might, because deep down I carried shame.

Shame that I couldn’t provide for myself.

Shame that if money wasn’t there, maybe love wasn’t either.

Of course this story is also way older than me. It’s been carried by mothers for centuries. It’s a way women related to their oppression. 

But eventually, I caught that story and slowly I began to change it.

I started asking for help. I stopped pushing myself to always be earning more, especially when my resources were low.

I began allowing myself to dip into my rainy day fund. (This sounds simple, but it felt terrifying because the less money I had, the more I had to face the idea that it doesn't make me unworthy or unsafe.)

In doing these things I began to separate love from money and offer myself the care I was always longing for.

This is what Reparenting is. Holding space for yourself in a different way to which your culture or immediate caregivers did for you. 

Would you like to understand how to reparent your own relationship with money?

I'm gifting you a free masterclass where I walk you through a powerful exercise to transform how you relate to money. Find it here

Ready to explore Reparenting inside a community? The Reparenting Portal is a wonderful place to start. Inside you get:

• Weekly self-guided Reparenting exercises to do in your own time

• A full resource library with Reparenting tools, meditations and exercises 

• Monthly live coaching masterclasses with me (plus replays)

• Guest expert trainings that complement Reparenting

• Connected to a private, supportive community group

  
  

Explore it here.

My 1:1 clients get full access to the Reparenting Portal and are part of the supportive community you'll find inside. Book in a free coaching taster call here to explore what it feels like.